Bakra Eid Mubarik

yeah right eid mubarik :)

sitting in my locked room.... haan i can't watch kurbani ya phir see bakra being shreaded....

watching a movie which i shouldn't had ATLEAST not today... "REQUIEM FOR A DREAM"

anyways................. EID MUBARIK TO EVERYONE!!

Burned with desire

When you touched my face
When you call my name
I'm burned with desire
But you left me in the rain

For every sleepless night
Forever in your arms
For every hour spent
Lost in the revery

You broke your promises
No shame and no regrets
You burned the bridges too
An endless mystery

When you touched my face
So beautiful
When you call my name
My name..
I'm burned with desire

BUT YOU LEFT ME IN THE RAIN

Malaal

"Ek sham tera khayal bari dair tak raha, 

dil dard say nidhaal bari dair tak raha, 

panay ki jo khushi this woh toh aarzi rahi... 

bicharnay ka malaal bari dair tak raha...."

Per na ab us ko kisi sey shikayat hai na ab kisi sey gilaa.... Bas ab apnay aap sey rutha huwa hai woh... haan janta hai woh key is haal, is kaifiyaat ka faida nahi... per phir bhi koshish kerta hai key apnay aap ko sambhalay...bazahir khush hai woh laikin ek such bataoun... wo ander sey bohat "Toota hua hai".... Ab toh bohat muddat sey aisa hai key woh khamosh rehta hai... koi gehra ranj hai us ko shayad... jissy chup chaap sehta hai... yunhi chaltay huay tanha, koi ghamgeen sa naghma... woh aksar gungunahta hai... doran-e-guftagu yunhi milain nazroun sey jab nazrein toh woh batein bhool jata hai.... kisi gum sum si halat main, ya phir barish key mausam main fakat itna hi kehta hai "Udasi be-waja si hai, bohat bojhal tabiyat hai"... bhala sach kyun nahi kehta key usay "Malaal" hai...

Kyun nahi kehta key 

 Us bin sard lag raheen hain

yeh november ki khunk raatain

yeh malaal bojhal ker raha hai

uski pur nam palkain

Uski kadmoon ki chaap

kia ab kabhi na sunai dey gi

iss sawal se dub dubba gae hain

is key dil ki anginit dharkanain....

iss malaal ki karwahat is ko

muskuranay nahi deytee

iss malaal ki dilkashee isay

munh pheray nahi deytee

Kyun nahi kehta key

"yeh malaal hi ab tum ho

yeh malaal hi ab mai hoon

yeh malaal hi ab hum hai

be nishan, bad gumaan, tanha."

Lutf-e-zindagi

Two faced people are easily available in this world.... Even its hard to judge that whom to trust and who are your friends....  Khair...
Mujhey mehsoos hota hai key,Lutf-e-zindagi kam hai
Gham-e-dil had sey bhar ker hain, mu'yaasar ab khushi kam hai
Musalsal dil ki be-chayni ko kya kehtay ho dil walo?
Tumhein maloom ho shayad, mujhey toh aa gaahi kam hai
Ab is key baad jism oh jaan ko jalanay sey bhi kya haasil
charaghoun main lahoo jalta hai phir bhi roshni kam hai
Jisay bhi DOST samjha, dushman-e-emaan oh jaan thehra
Nahi hai dosti jis sey, usi sey dushmani kam hai!..................


Anyways talked to SOMEONE after a very very long time... felt good.... pata nahi.... won't say much it was just <3

Oh mayri jaan

Na tum ho bewafaa

Na mein bhi hun

Phir bhi hain hum judaa

Main kya kahoon

Na jaane waqt ki marzi hai kya

Kyun hai mili yeh dooriyan

O meri jaan…o meri jaan

Kuch tum mujhse khafa

Kuch main bhi hun

Hai kya iski wajah

Main kya kahun

Na jaane waqt ki marzi hai kya

Kyun hai mili yeh dooriyan

O meri jaan…o meri jaan

Tujhe dil se tha chaaha

Tu hi toh na mil paaya

Khushi mujhko chal si jaati hai

Mere tu tha sarmaaya

Tujhe paaka na paaya

yahi baatein chubh si jaati hain

Tanhaa teri tarah haan main bhi hun

Donon hain gamzadaa main kya kahun

Na jaane waqt ki marzi hai kya

Kyun hai mili yeh dooriyan

O meri jaan…o meri jaan

O meri jaan

Naked and torn

When they look at me with such intensity, its like i'm stripped down to my soul and my hands are clutching myself... in vain... in desperate attempt, but spinning out of control. And its like i'm all alone with no one by my side (i know its not true but still), trying to cover myself with something..anything.... I don't want to feel the cool air on my skin.... I don't want to look like i've been crying..... But do you know how its like to be so naked? Its a sort of nudity that goes into the core, penetrates into the core of your soul and conscience makes you reflect on the shame you've felt before......

I am a psyco, am mad, retarded i guess.... I'm starting to imagine them pointing at me laughing at me and i wish i could be invisible.... This hallucination's slowly killing me, the thought of survival is almost critical.

And i know my thoughts are no longer clear... I run around with desperate fear.. The voices speak loudly in my head making me wish that I was dead... Slowly thinking I’m going crazy, finding everyone thinking the same but at the end of the day I know…

I'm stripped.
Naked and torn.

Happy birthday fama

Happy birthday Fatima.... happy birthday toooo you :D

is sey ziyada main aur kuch nahi likh raha :p card dekh ker enjoy kero... aur party sharty kero

=)

I don't wish to give a title :p

Yeah well full time band baji hui hai.... coz of the bandages and stuff, ok so i was about to tell what happened... yeah well i'll tell you the story what everyone knows .... So the OFFICIAL story which the people at home and others except my university friends know is that I fell from the stairs which were like 8 feet high landed on my feet pressure para thats why got injured... so thats why in this state... and in real *sigh* lets not talk about that per the real height was 8 feets in length and 14 feet high... and i actually didn't fall bus kuch hua... khair choro!!

So the presentation went well... and a really good friend of mine Anam was leaving LSE going to LMDC for BDS so we gave her a farewell... had lots of fun there, although after coming back home my foot was completely purple and stuff... anyways here are some pictures and a video....

If anyone of you can guess what am about to do and note the height... that would be amazing :p

After the THING happened =$

My present condition =/

Yes it hurts alot

="(

My new lappy

My Manager/Agent look :p

I had to get two injections just so i could come to university and present =(

After the presentation was over we went treated anam to a farewell party... although whole class wasn't there but still we were alot!!

The table dance :p

Me and Anam... oyee i'll miss you :(

Group photo

Ok so now the song video

SOMEONE everything i uploaded here is basically for you, yes i do miss you alot... things are bad at my side.... you know what i am still there for you... per today i need you and you aren't with me :(

14-11-09

• Black Suiting
• White shirt
• Black tie
• Hair - spikes
• Laptop in hand 
• Not able to stand 
• Bandaged right knee and thigh
• Feather fracture tape on left foot
• Flu
• Cough
• Fever 102
• Stress full time
• 6 hours left for psychaterist appointment time *sigh*
• Final presentation of communication skills in 20 minutes
• Nervous about the presentation - thora thora 
• Blogging - aiween

Ain't my life exciting?

Distance won't kill friendship

Miles apart from you

Driving on this lonely road

Friendless and alone again

Waiting for the scenery to change again

Moving far from those I love

From those I care about

I suppose it’s time to tell you then

No matter where I move

No matter how far away

You will always be my friends

Until my dying day

I always will remember

The good times

And the bad

The times that you were happy

The times that you were sad

Though distance may get longer

You’re always in my heart

Through thick and thin

Until the end

You’ll always be my friend

Miles stretching longer

The distance seems so great

But memories cross any distance

Beat any length of time

Cause in my heart, you’ll always be friends of mine

So with that I’m here to say

Never fret the distance

Don’t shed any of your tears

Just look into your heart

Memories last for years

SOMEONE

i miss you alot

=(

Let the music play

Life has its music; let us seek a way - not to jangle the chords whereon we play.

So let the music play .....

Denial

Sleepless, lightless,

I've been waiting for you

In secret, counting the hours

Until the morning sun

How would you love now what's inside of me

I wonder how we don't have to be anything else but this

Let's end this denial

Let's end this denial

Need you, Feel you

Breathing on me,

Feeling us fading

I'm waiting for you to come home

I felt the light touch, will keep us together, satisfied

You light up my path, speeding the hours

You heal me somehow

Let's end this denial

Let's end this denial

Hear me calling, I'm going, seeking

Time is flowing slowly when you're not around

The heart is rifting, do make us willing

You're spending up my hours until we're not alright

Let's end this denial

Hear me calling...

Let's end this denïal ...

Emotional Stress

OMG i didn't even knew that there was any such thing, per well there is. For the past couple of weeks i have been having issues that whenever i get angry, nervous, sad, think too much, scream, in panic situations and when i am giving presentation my eyes become full time red (not the red wala red per the khoony i mean bloody red like there is blood in my eyes), cheeks red (like i am blushing =$), hands cold (as cold as ice), whole body shaking, severe headache and my words start stuttering.... yeah lol this is the exact condition of me in such conditions.... First i thought its nothing its just that am giving presentation debating so i become afraid or something but then i remembered i have been debating in many universities and stuff i never had such stuff... So i went to the doctor... and lol she says i have emotional stress :p, ok so she starts explaining me:

Emotional stress: A condition which occurs when a person is under stress affecting their emotions

Cause of emotional stress:

• Generalized anxiety disorder
  –Excessive worry associated with at least three symptoms, including restlessness or edgy feeling, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, sleep disturbance
  –The most common anxiety disorder in primary care
• Panic disorder
  –Recurrent, unpredictable panic attacks with intense apprehension, fear or terror, and somatic symptoms (e.g., tachycardia)
  –May present with or without agoraphobia
• Depression: Anxiety often presents in a mixed state with depression
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder
  –Obsessions are persistent ideas, images, or impulses that generate anxiety
  –Compulsions are intentional repetitive behaviors or mental acts aimed at reducing the distress of obsessions
  
• Social anxiety disorder
• Bipolar disorder 

Lol i guess she thinks that am bipolar now :p naah... ok on serious notes this is one really weird thing... according to her i sleep, yet am not sleeping (i sound cuckoo naah) per yeah she checked and said that i am sleep but my brain doesn't get rest i am active like sleep walking, talking, replying to text (yes i reply to text while am sleeping and that too with full punctuations =$) but *sigh* i don't remember anything when i get up :( Anyways... i have like got 4 kind of fun medics... 3 different laxotnals and one more something to do with nervous system. Lol it feels like am a psycho patient =$

Why am i writing this post up i don't know bore ho raha tha maybe... or just felt like writing somethings up.... its been ages since i wrote a long post waisey bhi :p

University is going weird i hate two faced people and there are alot of them... and well i think i have gone their to fight with people... yesterday i had a fight with a guy (4th fight till i joined university) and yet again... i wasn't one at the fault... i didn't even lift my hand coz DC betha daytay... so anyways i was right and didn't do anything so the whole class with me and not with the other classfellow... per well *sigh* am so tired of fighting with people... waisey hi kal tabiyat kharab thee... and had been very low and kind of heart broken since few days uper sey shit... and other class fellows are just too fake and two faced i hate it... i really hate it... Most of the guys of my class have issues with me, and you really don't wanna know the reason :p ... they think i stop girls to interact with them, coz all girls listen to me :p :p itna foolish and childish reason ki wajah sey :( khair....

my head hurts :(

and oh yeah i wrote something two hours ago mayray TUNN honay sey pehley :p per ab phir ankh khul gayee even after those medics :( ... khair

I'm so,so very tired.
And I want to turn this computer off,
I'm sure you won't mind if I don't say goodnight,
The one light I keep on,
Is going to be off tonight,
And the fan that keeps it freezing in here,
Will be off as well.

Not one light.
Not one sound.
That is,of course,
Unless you count the sound of my phone vibrating under my pillow.
I purposely left it on vibrate tonight,instead of on silent,
I want to keep hearing you call,

I want to keep hearing the sound of your text messages flooding my inbox,
Keep trying to pry your way deeper into my heart,
Isn't being etched there for the rest of my life enough?

For the first few times,
I'll stare at my phone while it rings,
While your name flashes across the screen,
And that goofy picture of you is the only thing making me smile now,
As my head starts to ache,my throat grows tight,and eyes begin to burn,

The medication taking over,

Feels like am on drugs.

I'm so very tired,
I've hit another low in my life,
Right when I thought things were straightening out,
And I had complete confidence in this,in us, in my best friend
With this low,I'll just roll over,
Force my eyes shut,
Clutch this pillow,
Listen to my phone ring,
As can't move the body now to pick it up,
Am so numb,
So i'll try to stop thinking,
I'll try to stop feeling,
And I'll just sleep.

Because,
In all honesty,
My head hurts pretty much.... 
I'm so very tired....

Posted from my phone (yes i know main bohat khwaar houn to write this long from my cell phone)

P.s I got a new lappy =D ... and ohh haan dad is back from dubai too :) :s :-( =) *mixed emotions*

Currently listeing to Denial - Airbase featuring floria ambra remixed by tiesto

Friends - forever they'll stay

Running though the dark

Alone and dreary

You start to slowdown

Now feeling weary

You stop and take a look ahead

And become shocked at the sight

All of your feelings become intense

Your emotions run wild, but you still give them a fight

For what you see in front of you are your friends

All standing there willing to lend you a hand

You try to turn them away, lying, saying that you’re fine

But they won’t leave, forever by you they will stand

Friends are like angels

They will stay until you’re all right

They’ll stay no matter what

Even if it takes all night

They’ll always be here for you

They’ll never turn away

They’re here for you

And forever they’ll stay

Where are my friends?

I see few of them,

but what about the ones which make all the promises,

the ones which say would never leave you,

the ones which show so much love for a moment,

i guess they aren't worth it!!

Last paragraph added after i lost two closest of my friends... per like nimzZz said, if they leave you for such minor things they never considered you a friend just a time pass who would keep them happy... So as usual am one of the best play toys available, coz am helpful :)... khair!!! Not feeling well! And *sigh* dad coming back today... i should be happy or sad can't distinguish... per lol i always have this mixed feelings about him =)

P.s finally its getting chilly!!

Fades Away

Seen a warrior’s burst of rage
seen a martyr’s life outgrow his age
seen vile in great men
seen beauty in false women
seen rivals of a genius
seen tyrants hailed among us
seen the envy of a friend
seen love draw its own end

Seen a rainbow fade when it should stay
seen a summer wait for the next may
seen a leave wither from its youth
seen weathers play with our moods

seen a victim plead for his right
seen a culprit with his last lie
seen guilty hands turn to pray
seen aggression overwhelmed by grace

But the world just doesn’t run on grace
In the crowd, you’re just another face
when you’re gone, you dont ever leave a trace

seen faith take hold of our reason
seen wisdom go out of season
seen hatred for a chosen prophet
seen sacrifices with regret

seen ironies turn to the truth
seen lies bearing the fruits
seen impact of just a thought
seen actions ending with naught

But the world just doesn’t run on grace
In the crowd, you’re just another face
when you’re gone, you dont ever leave a trace

seen voices live longer than singers
seen a maestro play with bleeding fingers
seen life in a dead man’s painting
seen victors go down fainting

But the world just doesn’t run on grace
In the crowd, you’re just another face
when you’re gone, you dont ever leave a trace

Like a whistle it fades away

This song is one of my favourites... so thought would share it.... Just note the lyrics they are deep... Somehow people just don't get it!! But i love this one.... hayee here i go now....

A mirror shatters and falls... It's written all over the walls... Daggers pierce the mind... Making joy difficult to find... Darkness consumes the light... Filling the heart with true fright... Spining colors swirl about... Haze; the eye is cloud...Blood pumps inside veins...To the floor it will rain... Loneliness takes hold... Consuming the bold....

It all fades away
It all will decay
Left standing alone
He now rests under stone